A month of rain and rainbows

April was the month when everything fell apart, but then came together. It began April 8th, heading into my third infusion, with my oncologist, Dr. Martin, telling me I had to book another PET (full body MRI) scan to check on the response of the cancer to the treatments. He needed to see if it was in ‘complete’ response, or was not responding as expected, and might require additional treatments past the four R-CHOP infusions I was currently prescribed. He wanted the PET scan done no later than April 24th, ahead of my 4th infusion date of May 1st.

I was terrified of the PET scan again. If you read my first blog, you might remember… the first one was awful. I was shoe-horned into a coffin-sized tube for 25 minutes. It was so tight. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do it again without being drugged. The first scan was done in a smaller scanner that was immediately available, and Dr. Martin wanted it done immediately, within days of diagnosis. Although I did use visualization meditation to help me get through that first one, afterward, I cried and was silent for the rest of the day from the trauma. Dr. Martin assured me there were different-sized scanners, and I just needed to book it immediately to get the “normal” one. That alone caused me so much anxiety in April. When I called to book it, the scheduler on the other end insisted they only had one scanner. “Impossible,” I said, trying to keep my cool. There was no way a grown man would fit in the first one I was scanned in. So I did what I always do… turn it over to my amazing Floor Nurse Manager husband, Julian, to ensure I had the right appointment. He called several times to reassure me.

Before we go too far in this blog, if you haven’t seen my social media posts from the week before last, I did have the PET scan on April 24th, and the results on April 30th showed the lymphoma cancer in remission!

I had to wait an entire week for a readout of the results. When Julian and I saw them in MyChart, it wasn’t clear. There were new areas of concern on the scan, like my right lung and left breast, that said “mild uptake of FDG – possible inflammation.” FDG is the glucose chaser they give me to find cancer cells. That was enough to send me into a week-long depression. Although I REALLY tried to stay positive. My beautiful family members, who knew what was going on, tried to keep my mind off it. On a day that was one of my lowest, Dad showed up at my door to take me to lunch. Like the emotional ninja that he is, sensing when I need him most. Seriously, tho, Dad always knows!

On April 30th Dr. Paul Martin met with Julian and I. He came in impeccably dressed as usual. A fit, 45-ish doctor with kind eyes and great socks! He talked a little about the weather. Sat down and said, “I have an early birthday present, your cancer is in complete response to the treatment, and you are now in remission.” I sat in disbelief; the feeling of relief was there, but it didn’t overtake me, and I still hasn’t for some reason. I glanced over at Julian, who teared up. He explained that the areas of concern were possibly due to inflammation caused by the chemotherapy and in a month we would meet again for tests to make SURE the cancer was in remission. I did still need the final treatments in the month of May, however, to again make SURE the cancer was being kicked to the curb!

Infusion #3

Like my previous infusion day, I tried to keep it fun for myself and the staff, wearing all purple. We were, after all, at Fred Hutch, which is a University of Washington center due to the clinical trials and research done to find the right mix of treatments to fight cancer.

During infusions, I am slightly out of it. The pre-chemo anti-inflammatory drugs of Benadryl and Ozelapan make me sort of tired and loopy. I’m definitely not hungry on chemo infusion days. I get why some people even fast. I eat a small amount of oatmeal, with blueberries, to ensure I have something in my stomach. Infusion days begin at 5:30am with check-in at 8am. I also have to get the port in my chest ‘ready’ I apply a small amount of numbing Lidocaine cream an hour prior, that Julian helps me apply and secure a window bandage over. That will sit on my skin until the nurse removes it. The port situation is interesting. When it comes time to access it, they ‘plug me in’ that is the only way to describe how the nurse puts the needle in. She counts down and then shoves the needle directly into the port like a plug.

Wellness Immersion

April was also a month of total wellness immersion. I wanted every day to start and end with cancer-fighting strategies ahead of my possible impending DOOM after the PET scan. After hours and hours of cancer-fighting strategy research, I tried to craft my days similar to intensive wellness retreats. Although I still had my little family to take care of!

My days looked something like this;

• I slowly rise at 8:00 a.m. with a glass of water. If necessary, I will take the kiddos to school due to the weather. Most times, the friend or family member visiting will take care of that for me; it’s one of their “chores,” so I can sleep past 7:00 a.m.
• Stretch and yoga in the garage with the Tempo and yogis Jeremy and Mia Rose
• Add weight training to a morning routine. Lifting just 10lbs in each hand, going curls, push-ups, sit-ups, and squats.
• Hippocrates Green Healing drink on an empty stomach (whole cucumber, 3 stalks of celery, shot of spirilia, handful of spinach, sprouts, banana and apple)
• Nature therapy – Walk/Hike with the puppies for 1 hour +
• Eat after the walk (at this point I am intermittent fasting, but I haven’t been that hungry) , organic oatmeal with blueberries and almonds, or mushroom-rich egg stir fry
• Read, research healing foods and wellness practices, or watch a wellness movie or documentary.
• Create art projects or read outside on the patio
• Drink Protein Superfood Drink – (Orgain from Costco)
• Cook for family a nutritious afternoon meal, ready by 3pm when school gets out
• Rest – take a warm bath with Rosemary bath scents from Grow Wellness

Because I had such anxiety about the PET scan, April was such a blur. I did have to crawl out of my darkest moments of uncertainty. Some days would just merge into another. Not only that, but my body began to swell from the chemotherapy and steroids. I started to have more sleepless nights, crying spells, and just overall bone pain. Walking, art, nutrition, friends and family visits and reading on the patio helped me incredibly.

• Youth
• Eat, Pray, Love
• Hector and the Pursuit of Happiness
• Forks Over Knives
• Game Changer
• Awake: The Life of Yoganandra
• Heal
• The Road to Wellville
• The Longevity Film
• Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
• Secret Life of Walter Mitty
• Finding Happiness
• Happy
• What We Did on Holiday
• Hack Your Health
• Cancer: The Emperor of All Maladies
• A Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Disappeared
• A Long Way Down
• Be Wild
• Under the Tuscan Sun
• Midnight in Paris
• Hack Your Health

I also wanted to watch any and all movies about wellness. Here are some that you might check out.

Movies and documentaries about happiness, wellness, and health that I watched in April:

Friends and Family

My family and friends always ensured that someone was staying with me. I think I had a handful of days alone in April. Which is fine by me! I would live in a family commune if I could! I sort of do because of how amazing my neighbors are. We are a close-knit group that shares our values. Each of my visitors brought something unique to help my healing journey. I even count my doggies as part of my healing.

This month one of my life long friends from high school and El Paso Texas, Kim Lawless came for a full week. Everyday we would walk the dogs, she would take the kids to school and she made me the best little super healthy snacks. My favorite recipe’s of Kim’s were the spinach fritters, which I add mushrooms to now and fruit that is ripening ‘crumble. Then without missing a beat, Kim left and in came my beautiful sister Breanne from Spain. Bre’s presence was more for my fourth infusion and month of May… so you will learn more about her trip on my next update for the month of May.

So what’s next?

Infusion number 4 was the first week of May. I am on Day 10 post-treatment today. I am still feeling the effects of that last treatment. It hit me the hardest so far. My throat is burning, and inside my mouth. Swallowing has felt like having strep throat. But yesterday was SO much better already. The bone pain has persisted, and fatigue has been present for the past few days. I have to lie down a little earlier, but I do have morning energy to stretch in the garage and clean up around the house.

Yesterday, Dr. Martin’s office called to schedule tests and a follow-up on May 27th. He will check my white blood cell count and other parameters to determine whether the cancer is still in remission. Then, we will do another PET scan in three months to check again. Then, in six months, it will get longer between PET scans, the longer the cancer stays away.

Today, I am hopeful and grateful for all of you.